Friday, January 6, 2012

AGE: Mother nature’s way of saying

 ...“Ahhhhhhhhh fuck you"
(contributed by Paula Blois)

Did you know duct tape is the gift of the silver gods? Sure, we all know it’s great for little repairs around the house. Hell, even MacGyver never tapped it’s full  potential. Sagging boobs? Not an issue; duct tape those puppies where they belong and no one need know they have begun to migrate south faster than a flock of pigeons in January. Need an instant butt lift? Yep, you guessed it; Duct Tape is your friend. Don’t worry about coordinating with your now defunct wardrobe of khaki, black and white. This sticky substance of wonder comes in an array of colors ('colours' for some of my extremely stuck-up northern friends). I have ordered a case of 56 rolls in a variety of colors. I am experimenting with another use this product, especially for the very vain. You see, I’ve noticed my knees don’t like to cooperate with me lately. I’ve been in talks with the research and development of Duct Tape International, we should see a line of 'nude' tape on the market soon. Can you imagine never having to wear pantyhose, tights or stockings again? Double win, because when you rip this shit off of your legs, shaving will never be an issue again.

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